All throughout my adolescence music and the arts had played a major role in my life. At a young age I had wanted to be a singer like Beyoncé or Alicia Keys and would pretend I was on a stage performing songs like “ Crazy in Love”, as if it were my own. I was in choir in elementary school and by 6th grade was a part of my school’s orchestra ensemble, however, my insecurities towards my ability to sing and play an instrument was prominent and drew a wedge between me and the very activities I loved to be a part of, a very heartbreaking revelation for an eleven year old. It wasn’t until middle school when I took part in the acting program, that I faced my fears and doubts and found my love for acting and performance, more specifically musical theater.
It was my 8th grade year, 2010, my middle school was putting together the musical performance of “ Once on this Island” (OOTI). I remember during the cold reading, becoming excited for this play because it was my first musical that I would be a part of and hoping for either two of the lead roles: Ti Moune or Asaka: Mother of the Earth, so much so that I went home and practiced songs for each character over and over again until I felt confident that I was going to do well for the auditions. Despite this, my anxiety almost prevented me from auditioning all together, however, I ended up successfully landing one of the roles I wanted: Asaka!
This whole experience was an exciting one, from the announcement and cold reading of the play to the final performance. I enjoyed the way theater music was constructed and how musical theater singing was presented. It felt dramatic and animated and when I was on stage I felt like I was capable of doing a lot more than the minimal confidence I had allowed myself to have had. In the Musical I had my own song titled “ Mama Will Provide” which serves as a reminder that I was able to get on stage in front of a crowd of people and remember my blocking, sound cues and lines with confidence as well as sing a whole song as a lead vocal. “Once on this Island” is a milestone in my life that pushes my tendency to overthink and doubt my skills to the side, and tells me that if I push myself and not let other people tell me that what I can and cannot do, then I can get to where I want to go in life. Imposter syndrome was and still is something that I experience and struggle to manage when it comes to achievements in life especially going through college with many individuals who have more expertise in the materials we are being taught, and I think OOTI , especially,“ Mama will provide” helps deter that feeling of incompetence.
